Not My Standard

I went to see my obgyn today and towards the end of my visit she said “You know if you want to get pregnant, today is the best day to have sex?” Now, I know she really didn’t have any ill intent behind, but I’m like, 🗣absolutely NOT! Ever since I turned 30, my freedom has been threatened to start a family of my own.

This year, there has been an extreme emphasis on the fact that I am single with no children. From my boss, clients, both my doctors, strangers in passing and even particular family members being concerned that someone such as myself, at my age could not have found love yet. I’ve heard “Oh, we’re going to have to do something about that.” or “Don’t you want to have children?” or the infamous “I’m going to pray for you!” after I state, there is no man in my life 🙄.

Now, I won’t say that I don’t desire marriage because I believe that love is the most beautiful thing in this world. To have a committed, loyal partnership in this life is a blessing. However, I do not feel negatively about my current relationship and familial status the way that people think I should. I don’t feel the pressure people place upon me and I am not desperate to lock any man that wants to be with me down. I literally live my life as freely as possible no matter if a man is coming or going.

I only want what God wants for me. If God wants me married, then when the universe sees fit that it is my time, I am positive that I will be ready and willing to accept the assignment. I don’t want children unless I am married. These are both standards that have remained constant through every season of my growth. I personally feel that no man is worth bearing the pain of child labor for that did not feel that I was worthy to make his wife first. And if marriage and children are not meant for me in this lifetime, I am perfectly fine with that as well.

In the meantime, creating a life that no one can take from me is the best focus I can have as I continue to develop myself as a better overall human being in society. Whatever is meant to be will be and whatever isn’t won’t happen. It’s that simple! As long as I never lose myself again or compromise my standards for a relationship as a desperate attempt to fit other’s perceptions of what a woman should have or should be, I am fine.

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Fraudulent? Or Elevation?

I was watching the most recent episode of Married To Medicine (a television show on BRAVO) and Mariah finally revealed why she constantly called her frenemy, Quad, a fraud. I just never understood why and now it all makes sense. 

You see, Mariah is the kind of person who, when you fall out with, if they’ve done anything for you in life, they want to constantly remind you of that. People do this because they feel it is their duty to “humble you” but in reality, how genuine was that help when you constantly throw it into someone’s face once they’ve grown past those moments?

Quad has grown in life and is no longer in a struggling position. Does that mean she’s forgotten where she comes from because she doesn’t live in her past or constantly have to talk about it with others and remind people of it? Why is she a fraud for living on the level that she’s elevated to in life? Why does she have to constantly thank Mariah for her help in the past or share that with everyone she knows? Because Mariah wants the constant glory of “look what I did for her”. Who’s really the person that needs a self check in this situation? Mariah only wants the glory of it and to constantly try to embarrass her of her past because they all are no longer friends.

Black women do this to each other way too often and I hate it. Honestly, this is why they say keep your enemies closer because people are only loyal to themselves if you are no longer in agreement with them. The minute the dynamics of a friendship or relationship change, people get to running off at the mouth. Real loyalty is the ability to hold it down regardless of where you are in life with someone else. 

People aren’t fraudulent for not continuously living in what they’ve grown from. She’s not faking her current life. Maybe Mariah needs to reflect on why it matters to her so much? I don’t care how you’ve known someone in the past, if that isn’t them today, they are not a fraudulent for not acting like it. It’s called GROWTH. People change, yearly, monthly, weekly, hell, even daily. Stop holding people to how you used to view them. Especially if you’re doing it to make yourself look better.

— Tanisha