Birthday Behavior – 30 on 30💕🎉👑

“I’ve found that luck is quite predictable. If you want more luck, take more chances, be more active, show up more often.”  — Brian Tracy

*screams internally*

Waking up in Costa Rica on this 30th day for my 30th year is a blessing in itself. May every year of my entire 30’s begin in a new destination as long as Allah grants me the will to do so 🙏🏽. May I never take the luxuries I have access to for granted. May I embrace every new experience and cultivate it for the enrichment of my life’s journey. Amen!

For the first time ever, I don’t want to be as vulnerable. Yet, I promise to always remain transparent. I’ve always written from my heart and shared the things I’ve experienced and what I have learned most from my previous year of birth. However, this year, I feel it’s time to move in a different direction. Becoming more private and embracing my life – the bad and the good alone, in hopes that it will block outer interference and push me to new levels and truly grow. I’ve been going through my saturn return since January and with 5 more months left – as my life continues to transform, I just want to be quiet. The battle I am facing with who I am as a person, how I feel, what I want and what I need, is not open for discussion with anyone else other than God and myself. There is still something I am in search of. I don’t have all the answers and to be honest, I don’t know what that something is. I know I carry myself with dignity and grace, but I promise I don’t have it all together. When you see me, understand, I am still trying to figure life out just like the next person. I didn’t even know who I was until a few years ago and now I don’t even feel like that person is me anymore. There are parts of me that have been sleep and I can’t play with time any longer. 🗣I NEED TO WAKE THE HELL UP! I felt fulfilled months ago and now the thought of being complacent is terrifying. Comfort has become scary to me because I never want to settle for the bare minimum. It’s time to move larger in life; make something more of myself; give more of myself. I’ve come so far and have accomplished so much to be where I am today, but I know there are things I need to be honest about and change within myself before I can transcend to this next level. I’ve slipped back into some old behaviors and I refuse to not learn the lesson, fail the tests and repeat the same old cycles.

On the flip side as I have gotten closer to this day, I’ve taken heed on how confident I am within myself. I spend way more time by myself nowadays. More often than I used to. I move at the beat of my own drum every single day and work on my own time. There is not one other person’s company I currently crave more than my own. I am at my most peaceful state when I am alone. Self love has become my main priority. There are so many things about me that I love, but there are just as many things about me that I am discovering that hinders my elevation. This period has been conducive to helping me identify with and shedding those behaviors.

“Calling yourself out on your own bullshit is primary self-care.”

– Ayishat A. Akanbi

To the people that have been patient and understanding with me as I grow through this next phase, I thank you so much. Your grace has been a lesson in itself. I pray that you are more pleased with the improved and healed me that is awaiting to greet you on the other side. Cheers 🥂 to 30: All the preparation is going to finally pay off because God is…!

***BONUS***

30 Life Lessons I’ve Learned In 30 Years

  1. Everyone is growing. You either grow with or outgrow each other.
  2. Meditation will change your life.
  3. Never be afraid to ask for assistance. We can’t do it all.
  4. Learn to accept constructive criticism without feeling attacked.
  5. People will say a lot without any action for as long as you accept it.
  6. Not everyone deserves access to your love.
  7. Your comfort zone is a dangerous place. Never remain complacent.
  8. If you’re not passionate about it, is it really worth the time?
  9. Longevity is key.
  10. Know your worth + add tax, and never compromise it.
  11. Continuously learn. You never know what doors a new skill will open for you.
  12. Look good and smell good, but don’t forget your confidence. It’ll take you far!
  13. Read often and watch how your vocabulary naturally advances.
  14. Experience is life’s best teacher.
  15. You can’t avoid setbacks but no matter the circumstance, you can bounce back.
  16. Learn the lesson to avoid repeating the test.
  17. Resilience/Dedication/Consistency will pay off. Don’t ever give up on your dreams.
  18. Don’t rush life trying to beat a time table. God has the final say.
  19. Be flexible.
  20. Spontaneity in moderation is a thrill worth feeling.
  21. Be honest with yourself and own your shit.
  22. Healthy love is the only option. Don’t let them convince you of anything less than.
  23. You can’t predict the future but you can take the necessary actions to create it.
  24. There is nothing wrong with seeing a therapist.
  25. You can’t change anyone other than yourself.
  26. Life goes on.
  27. People will pick apart your truth no matter what it is. Rumors/Opinions don’t deserve your attention.
  28. Self care is a necessity. You need time to recharge often.
  29. Never place your happiness in the hands of someone else.
  30. Everyone has their own definition of loyalty. Make sure you are knowledgeable of theirs.
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Quote 

“we cannot grow and flourish when we are surrounded by negative/doubtful energy and pessimism. be mindful of what and who you are keeping close. wants, dreams and ambitions will not come to pass when they are suffocated in fear. keep people around you who will challenge you to ‘go for it,’ who will encourage you to rise up and be smart about taking on a new venture, journey or stage in life. the ‘you can’t, you shouldn’t, don’t do it’ people should be kept at a distance.”

— alex elle 

Flow of Life

“Life is amazing. And then it’s awful. And then it’s amazing again. And in between the amazing and the awful its ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing; hold on through the awful; and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That’s just living heartbreaking, soul healing, amazing, ordinary, awful life. And it’s breathtakingly beautiful.”
— LR Knost

Honesty

“The answer is good things only happen to you if you’re good. Good? Honest is more what I mean… Be anything but a coward, a pretender, an emotional crook, a whore: I’d rather have cancer than a dishonest heart.”

— Breakfast at Tiffany’s

Loyalty

“Just because I liked something at one point in time doesn’t mean I’ll always like it, or that I have to go on liking it at all points in time as an unthinking act of loyalty to who I am as a person, based solely on who I was as a person. To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think.”

Jarod Kintz

 

Independence & Freedom

“Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with them.”
-Carrie Bradshaw

I was always told that I run away from my relationships. I have such an independent spirit. Giving up my freedom to a man who feels as though he owns me is terrifying. I’m such a lover and I love the act of being in love, but in that love, the ideal situation is not suffocating. I don’t like following rules or being told what I should or shouldn’t do. And the same goes for a relationship. I rather just be me as I allow the man to be himself and being accepting of each other’s differences. If there is communication and trust present, shouldn’t you feel secure in knowing that your mate will respect your relationship no matter how they choose to think, speak, or act? I’m a carefree person at heart and if you know me, you know I move at the beat of my own drum. I don’t do what everyone else is doing, I don’t do what is expected of me. I do exactly what it is that I want to do, when I want to do it. I’m a real nonconformist.

I’ve felt trapped in relationships because of the way that the guy would always try to control me or for lack of better words, tame me. As a result of this, I’ve always had to separate my love life from my social life. It almost felt as though I was living a separate life and then I’d come home to this relationship. Basically, I always needed an escape from the relationship. I am both introvert and extrovert, and both sides are on the extreme ends. That extrovert part of me is what the men in my life have attempted to control and has only caused me to pull away, more and more; causing a drift between us. If I have to be away from the relationship to be my truest self, I’m only going to seek that route more often than not. Which creates distance. The ideal situation to me is exactly as the quote above says, I am not meant to be tamed. The guy for me will run freely, embracing a soaring view on life with me. Two independent and free souls, merging together to take on life while we build, expand and have all the fun doing it together.

My new guy is a limitless spirit such as myself. We have free-form rules, meaning there are none, the options are endless; it’s all based on what works for us two and our bond at any given moment. I doubt this, but even if we were to never marry or last a lifetime as a couple, I’m keeping him in my life forever. He’s really my best friend. And as he’s welcoming me into his world, I never feel constricted nor constrained by him. As important as it is to maintain your own identity outside of a relationship, I think it’s just as healthy to be able to share parts of your world with your mate and vice versa. Confidence has probably been the major quality we both possess that makes it work. It’s just so easy between us. I’m optimistic on how together, what we will create with our equally expansive and imaginative existences.