Romance vs Manipulation

I’m proud of the strength that women hold nowadays. Yet, it is so disappointing to see that we have to continuously demand that our boundaries be respected rather than be granted from the beginning. Currently, Cardi B is in a rough place in her marriage. Her husband pulled the stunt of interrupting her performance with a grand gesture for her to take him back after he’s been caught cheating numerous times. Now, whether she takes him back or not is none of my business.

The problem I have with men is, why cheat and jeopardize losing someone you claim to love and care about so much in the first place? If you have it in you to go through all these extreme lengths to get someone back, wouldn’t it make more sense to use that energy while you already have this person’s attention to keep it? But men are the “more logical” species right? Right!

My problem with society is that there are people who are actually rooting for her to take him back because “people make mistakes and all men have cheated, so he deserves another chance“. Why is this the norm? Had the situation been reversed, no one would harass that man to forgive the woman and take her back. They’d call her all types of hoes.

I’m so passionate about this topic because this is my life. I left a man 4 years ago. During these years, he has tried everything to the best of his ability to get me back. Most recently, THREE DAYS AGO at my place of employment. Despite me making it very clear that I want him to leave me alone and that me taking him back is never happening. The romance behind stalking and harassing your ex until they take you back might work for some, but it ain’t my type of thing. You didn’t respect me during the relationship to treat me right and you don’t respect my boundaries post relationship after I’ve continuously ignored your efforts and asked you repeatedly to leave me alone and let me be.

Don’t lose my attention and put all this effort into trying to win me back because it’s just going to annoy me more. When I don’t care, I wholeheartedly don’t and that is the worst place you can be with me, because no gesture big enough or thing you say can move me to feel differently or change my mind. Why? More than likely, I’ve already given you plenty of chances to correct your mistakes and make right on your wrongdoing before I even got to the point of no longer caring. Your behavior is habitual and the only reason you care so much now is because you finally see it’s really not a game. The gestures are manipulative behavior and a way to try and soften me to change my mind.

Men think they can put you through all this bullshit and you will stick around and deal with it forever. “Oh she forgave me before, she’ll get over it”. While some may feel compelled to stick it out, I thank God I am one of those women who don’t have to and have matured to realize that I don’t need to. One of my biggest blessings in life is being able to walk away from toxic men easily without ever having to be bothered with them again in life unless I choose to. The best thing ever is being able to leave a relationship easily with absolutely no ties.

The narrative has to change. If the love comes with struggle, then I don’t want it. Of course you go through things in a relationship and the strongest marriages prevail. However, my idea of getting through tough times in a marriage doesn’t include cheating and numerous amounts of bullshit. That’s not something I count as having to work through to make it to those glory days. If you can’t treat me respectfully and good, you don’t deserve anything else from me. Only thing you can do is learn from the situation, correct your behavior and do better with the next woman in your life.

*cues Beyoncé’s Best Thing I Never Had*

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Not My Standard

I went to see my obgyn today and towards the end of my visit she said “You know if you want to get pregnant, today is the best day to have sex?” Now, I know she really didn’t have any ill intent behind, but I’m like, 🗣absolutely NOT! Ever since I turned 30, my freedom has been threatened to start a family of my own.

This year, there has been an extreme emphasis on the fact that I am single with no children. From my boss, clients, both my doctors, strangers in passing and even particular family members being concerned that someone such as myself, at my age could not have found love yet. I’ve heard “Oh, we’re going to have to do something about that.” or “Don’t you want to have children?” or the infamous “I’m going to pray for you!” after I state, there is no man in my life 🙄.

Now, I won’t say that I don’t desire marriage because I believe that love is the most beautiful thing in this world. To have a committed, loyal partnership in this life is a blessing. However, I do not feel negatively about my current relationship and familial status the way that people think I should. I don’t feel the pressure people place upon me and I am not desperate to lock any man that wants to be with me down. I literally live my life as freely as possible no matter if a man is coming or going.

I only want what God wants for me. If God wants me married, then when the universe sees fit that it is my time, I am positive that I will be ready and willing to accept the assignment. I don’t want children unless I am married. These are both standards that have remained constant through every season of my growth. I personally feel that no man is worth bearing the pain of child labor for that did not feel that I was worthy to make his wife first. And if marriage and children are not meant for me in this lifetime, I am perfectly fine with that as well.

In the meantime, creating a life that no one can take from me is the best focus I can have as I continue to develop myself as a better overall human being in society. Whatever is meant to be will be and whatever isn’t won’t happen. It’s that simple! As long as I never lose myself again or compromise my standards for a relationship as a desperate attempt to fit other’s perceptions of what a woman should have or should be, I am fine.

2017 Year in Reflection

This year has felt like a lifetime. Everything accelerated within a twelve month span. But had it not been for the tools that the previous years equipped me with, I wouldn’t still be standing confidently today. If I had to think of the biggest lesson I learned, it would be: 2017 taught me to stand in my power. I learned the truest meaning of independence and self confidence.

Thankfully, 2015 taught me to be fearless. With that characteristic, when a new opportunity presented itself to me in January of this year, that was something I’d never done before, regardless of whatever, I found the courage within myself to push through. Being forced completely out of my comfort zone with the new opportunity helped me to realize that I am someone I never knew I was. My self confidence is now on another level. Definitely a breakthrough in knowing that on the other side of fear is self discovery.

2016 taught me to be proactive. This became a benefit to me in August of this year when I felt as if my life was in shambles. There’s always an angle that I have thought of so just in case, I can cope and persevere through effortlessly. Everything that could go wrong DID go wrong in August, but it taught me the art of letting go. Whatever the universe was doing, I wasn’t fighting it this time. Let the chips fall where they may but I will always be alright.

As proven, in fact, I was alright. By November, life had turned completely back around and having the right attitude was beginning to pay off. Here it is December, and my opportunities are constantly flowing in. My heart is grateful because the truest lesson of opposition has taught me that I’m unbreakable. I have overcome so much in the last 8 years that the problems I face now, I handle effortlessly.

That love that I used to gloat about all 2016 and halfway through this year? Well, it went stale! Nothing bad happened. We’re still cool and he’ll always be a love that changed me forever. But I definitely learned a new lesson with love: there’s no such thing as right person, wrong time. If the timing is wrong, so is the person and you can’t live your life on pause for the timing to align. Two years of that bliss feeling but just because it didn’t turn out the way I thought it would doesn’t mean it didn’t serve it’s purpose. Ultimately, I think the lesson of meeting him was to show me at a time where I thought I’d never be able to move on to anyone after my previous love, is that my heart could still feel “bigly” for someone else. He’s still one of my favorite people to have known, and although our friendship might be distant, the memories are forever. No matter how your heart feels, make sure your mind is never clouded by it. I was so quick to label this relationship as a “life partner” or a “soulmate” when the timing of life just proved that it was a “karmic relationship”. The lesson from that is, you still don’t know the purpose of someone’s existence in your life and you can’t really define it until you have had a quality amount of involvement to look back upon.

Currently, my focus is on nurturing my career. So much to look forward to. I accidentally fell into my purpose at the end of 2016 while I was working a career that has been in my blood and I am so good at. Here I am now, juggling two careers, two different lanes and yet thriving in both. My income is now tied to purpose and passion and it’s honestly the greatest feeling.

Astrology keeps hinting at this time of my life being golden for partnership and marriage. I want to believe it but I’ve gotten way too excited too soon recently. If marriage & kids are for me, then I’ll gladly accept that role when the time seems fit. But where I am internally, even if the universe doesn’t see that, that life is for me, I am also at peace with it. I’m not desperate, rushing a biological clock or timeline because what I won’t do, is settle for bad decisions. I have learned to release control of what things “should” be and accept life for what it is. I’m not going to stop living my best life no matter what cards are dealt to me. This is my happy currently and it’s peaceful while I’m playing my hand to its fullest extent!

In retrospect I learned that I am a very powerful visionary and my level of determination is legendary. I became a new me in 2015, so as we are hours away from a new year, a better me is awaiting. I’ll still love, still laugh, still give my all, still maintain my peace, still travel, and make sure i’m guided into intelligent decisions, just on a progressive level.

May 2018 be a life evolving year in a positive way for us all ✨

7 Ways To Create A Great Relationship With Yourself

1. Meditation – tune into the voice within. Meditation strengthens the relationship we have with ourselves because we make time to listen to our self-talk. Being completely present with ourselves allows us to understand what’s truly important to us – what do we desire the most? What’s taking our focus away from the now? What do we want from the time we have left on the planet? Answering these questions paves the way for us to take action & create a life we love.

2. Treat yourself – self-love dates. The relationship we have with ourselves is the relationship we will have with others – we are all reflections of each other. We attract those of a similar vibrational nature to ourselves, so if we neglect ourselves, we are likely to attract someone who will neglect us. When we treat ourselves the way we would want our partner to treat us we align our vibration to that of the type of people we want to attract.

3. Healthy foods – healthy food = healthy mind. A healthy relationship with ourselves does not involve poisoning the body by feeding it processed foods & drugs like alcohol. These substances introduce toxicity to the mind and this negatively impacts the relationship we have with ourselves. Seeing ourselves as worthy of a healthy, functioning body is a great way to heal this damage & help us to see ourselves with unconditional positive regard.

4. Positive energy – surround yourself with the people you love. Spending time around negative people is a form of self-hate – because we are choosing to put ourselves in a situation that doesn’t serve us. This causes us to take on negative energy from these people – which affects the way we see ourselves & the world we live in. Negative energy can encourage us to give up on our dreams, abuse our bodies & minds and settle for a life we hate.

5. Creativity – express yourself. Pent-up emotions & thoughts can result in poor mental health – expressing ourselves creatively is a great way to allow these emotions to flow through us instead of building resistance within. When we create we are allowing ourselves to be heard & seen – which nurtures the relationship we have with ourselves & creates optimal wellbeing.

6. Nature – hit the reset button & find peace. Often times we can find ourselves rushing about & always trying to get somewhere – making time to be still in nature allow us to hit the reset button. This is essential for creating a healthy relationship with ourselves as it allows us to gain perspective on what’s truly important to us instead of allowing the mind to remain occupied by thoughts of the past and future. Tuning into the now & being in nature go hand in hand because we find ourselves in tune with the natural vibration of the planet.

7. Authenticity – be true to yourself. Lying to ourselves & settling for less than we’re truly worth destroys the relationship we have with ourselves and encourages us to seek out external distractions from the turmoil within. Doing what we want, when we want & with who we want is the way to be at peace – this can only be done when we prioritise our mental health & wellbeing above all else. We can’t be of service to others if we are at war with ourselves.

#SELFLOVESUNDAY

Source: SpoonOfConsciousness.Tumblr.Com

9 Ways To Increase Your Vibration

Transcend the negativity & vibrate higher.

1. Questions – transcending illusions requires you to question them. Illusions are beliefs we give our power to, they are designed to keep us living through the ego – which keeps our vibrations at a low level. When we question our reality & what we think we know – then we have the potential to transcend illusions, which raises our frequency. It’s like lifting a veil that’s been tightly fitted since birth, keep in mind that this will take time and there are many layers to every illusion.

2. Love – build your life around what you enjoy. Surrounding ourselves with the people, places and things we love will help us move into the love vibration – which is the highest vibrational state. When we’re doing what we love with the people we love our vibration will increase, the opposite is true when we surround ourselves with things we hate – our vibration will remain at a lower frequency.

3. Breath – your signal to the universe. When we take long, deep breaths we are sending a signal to the universe to say “I have an abundance of air” – as opposed to short, sharp breaths that send out a signal of lack. Having the mindset of abundance raises our vibrational frequency – attracting more abundance to us in other areas of our lives. 

4. Food – love your body. The body is our vessel & when we feed it healthy foods we increase our vibrations because we are showing love to ourselves & the body. Processed foods, sugary drinks and toxic drugs like alcohol are the most common culprits for keeping our vibrations low.

5. Thoughts – how we think determines how we live. To increase our vibration we need to think higher vibrational thoughts – love, peace, abundance – but that can be difficult at times. The best way to think these thoughts is to align our actions with the kind of thoughts we want to create because our actions create our thoughts. It’s a lot easier to think in a higher vibrational way when we’re around the people, places & things we love – so distancing ourselves from negativity is a great way to increase our vibration.

6. Nature – vibe with the planet. Mother nature offers us a higher vibrational environment for us to align ourselves with. Observe how everything behaves in nature and take note of sights, sounds, feelings & smells – make time to relax around some greenery. Breathing in fresh oxygen from the trees is another great way to raise our vibration.

7. Creativity – expression from the soul. We are not our bodies or minds, we are the consciousness that drives the vessel – allow it to express itself creatively to tune into who we truly are and we will notice our vibration increasing. Singing, dancing, painting, drawing & even washing the dishes can all be creative outlets – almost anything can be an opportunity for us to express ourselves creatively and this allows us to enter the love vibration.

8. Knowledge – true wisdom is knowing the extent of one’s own ignorance. When we acknowledge how much we don’t know we move out of ignorance – this opens the possibilities for us to learn more and through this acquisition of knowledge we can raise our vibrational frequency. The pursuit of knowledge lasts our whole lifetimes, but requires us to dissolve the egoic delusion that we are already knowledgable enough. We can liberate our own ignorance with knowledge & patience.

9. Gratitude – give thanks for the good & the bad. Increasing our vibration requires us to acknowledge that there is no such thing as good or bad – with this in mind we can give thanks for every experience because of what they have been sent to teach us. Becoming grateful for everything in our lives is the best hack to increasing our vibration because we move into the abundance mindset and attract more of what we are thankful for. Give thanks for everything you love in life and watch more of it roll in.

source: SpoonOfConsciousness.Tumblr.Com

Karmic Relationship vs Life Partner

I wrote pertaining to soulmates about a year ago and I have to stand corrected. I was so in bliss over my new relationship that I made a mistake. Discrediting my previous relationship as a soul mate just because it showed up in a different form. 

In theory, a karmic relationship is a person (can be friends, family or a lover) who is aligned with your soul but they are with you only to challenge your soul or influence or awaken you in some way or another. They fulfill a passion or desire that needs to be learned. The relationship is emotional driven, full of highs and lows. A karmic relationship teaches you lessons by stirring and pushing you to a higher state of consciousness. After you’ve transcended and the assignment or guidance is complete, physical separation typically happens.

Karmic relationships arrive at a specific time when something needs to find closure. Amazing lessons come through these relationships. The love that is shared is ecstatic and is full of hard obstacles. The two of you are trying to find footing in a relationship that brings out the best and worst in each other. 

Karmic relationships have a deep connection through heart and consciousness. They hit the ego and bring about turmoil. The relationships are intense and full of transitions. These beautiful experiences usually end in broken hearts. They bring with them karmic lessons that need to be completed in this incarnation.

On the other hand, a life partner is a companion, a friend, the person you depend on to assist you through life. The relationship is based on logical and intellectual stimulation. You are both in sync with eachother’s needs and wants. They are the support that encourages you to take risks. They have similar interests in your life and are spiritually and emotionally connected without egotistical notions. You feel at ease with this person. There is a sense of security in the relationship and the trust transitions into a friendship that is profound and everlasting. Regardless of the obstacles that occur in life, they stick around like a pillar of strength. This causes love to grow more and more everyday.

Life partners arrive at a moment when there is self love and acceptance. You are no longer needing to fulfill an emptiness that cannot be explained. These partners join you with similar stories. They are there for the long haul.

Regardless of how much heartache I’ve experienced when I was in my karmic relationship, I’m certain that he arrived not a minute later than I was ready for him. So I’m grateful for the encounter. He brought things out of me that I never knew existed on the highs and lows. It was challenging and very extreme on the positive and negative side, but the growth that occurred was tremendous. I was constantly being shown myself and I still remember vividly, the moment I knew I had finally mastered the lessons that I was destined to fulfill and was ready for separation. I had reached that next level. As a result, when my life partner showed up, I was prepared, open and accepting of the relationship. There was a magnetic feeling, a knowing that automatically attracted me to him. Which typically happens when you meet a soulmate. Now granted, we have many similarities, simultaneously, we also have many differences that have enhanced our emotional connection. We’re always eager to know more about one another and it’s a constant experience of learning and teaching eachother. Yet our values and beliefs resonate and combine so well. Each conversation is just enjoyable and it’s been the most refreshing relationship I’ve ever known. He’s my best friend and everything about him has been exciting and feels new. He feels like home and as cliche as this sounds, I now know, everything happens for a reason.

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mate’s purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…”
— Elizabeth Gilbert


Source: powerofpositivity.com