Romance vs Manipulation

I’m proud of the strength that women hold nowadays. Yet, it is so disappointing to see that we have to continuously demand that our boundaries be respected rather than be granted from the beginning. Currently, Cardi B is in a rough place in her marriage. Her husband pulled the stunt of interrupting her performance with a grand gesture for her to take him back after he’s been caught cheating numerous times. Now, whether she takes him back or not is none of my business.

The problem I have with men is, why cheat and jeopardize losing someone you claim to love and care about so much in the first place? If you have it in you to go through all these extreme lengths to get someone back, wouldn’t it make more sense to use that energy while you already have this person’s attention to keep it? But men are the “more logical” species right? Right!

My problem with society is that there are people who are actually rooting for her to take him back because “people make mistakes and all men have cheated, so he deserves another chance“. Why is this the norm? Had the situation been reversed, no one would harass that man to forgive the woman and take her back. They’d call her all types of hoes.

I’m so passionate about this topic because this is my life. I left a man 4 years ago. During these years, he has tried everything to the best of his ability to get me back. Most recently, THREE DAYS AGO at my place of employment. Despite me making it very clear that I want him to leave me alone and that me taking him back is never happening. The romance behind stalking and harassing your ex until they take you back might work for some, but it ain’t my type of thing. You didn’t respect me during the relationship to treat me right and you don’t respect my boundaries post relationship after I’ve continuously ignored your efforts and asked you repeatedly to leave me alone and let me be.

Don’t lose my attention and put all this effort into trying to win me back because it’s just going to annoy me more. When I don’t care, I wholeheartedly don’t and that is the worst place you can be with me, because no gesture big enough or thing you say can move me to feel differently or change my mind. Why? More than likely, I’ve already given you plenty of chances to correct your mistakes and make right on your wrongdoing before I even got to the point of no longer caring. Your behavior is habitual and the only reason you care so much now is because you finally see it’s really not a game. The gestures are manipulative behavior and a way to try and soften me to change my mind.

Men think they can put you through all this bullshit and you will stick around and deal with it forever. “Oh she forgave me before, she’ll get over it”. While some may feel compelled to stick it out, I thank God I am one of those women who don’t have to and have matured to realize that I don’t need to. One of my biggest blessings in life is being able to walk away from toxic men easily without ever having to be bothered with them again in life unless I choose to. The best thing ever is being able to leave a relationship easily with absolutely no ties.

The narrative has to change. If the love comes with struggle, then I don’t want it. Of course you go through things in a relationship and the strongest marriages prevail. However, my idea of getting through tough times in a marriage doesn’t include cheating and numerous amounts of bullshit. That’s not something I count as having to work through to make it to those glory days. If you can’t treat me respectfully and good, you don’t deserve anything else from me. Only thing you can do is learn from the situation, correct your behavior and do better with the next woman in your life.

*cues Beyoncé’s Best Thing I Never Had*

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Karmic Relationship vs Life Partner

I wrote pertaining to soulmates about a year ago and I have to stand corrected. I was so in bliss over my new relationship that I made a mistake. Discrediting my previous relationship as a soul mate just because it showed up in a different form. 

In theory, a karmic relationship is a person (can be friends, family or a lover) who is aligned with your soul but they are with you only to challenge your soul or influence or awaken you in some way or another. They fulfill a passion or desire that needs to be learned. The relationship is emotional driven, full of highs and lows. A karmic relationship teaches you lessons by stirring and pushing you to a higher state of consciousness. After you’ve transcended and the assignment or guidance is complete, physical separation typically happens.

Karmic relationships arrive at a specific time when something needs to find closure. Amazing lessons come through these relationships. The love that is shared is ecstatic and is full of hard obstacles. The two of you are trying to find footing in a relationship that brings out the best and worst in each other. 

Karmic relationships have a deep connection through heart and consciousness. They hit the ego and bring about turmoil. The relationships are intense and full of transitions. These beautiful experiences usually end in broken hearts. They bring with them karmic lessons that need to be completed in this incarnation.

On the other hand, a life partner is a companion, a friend, the person you depend on to assist you through life. The relationship is based on logical and intellectual stimulation. You are both in sync with eachother’s needs and wants. They are the support that encourages you to take risks. They have similar interests in your life and are spiritually and emotionally connected without egotistical notions. You feel at ease with this person. There is a sense of security in the relationship and the trust transitions into a friendship that is profound and everlasting. Regardless of the obstacles that occur in life, they stick around like a pillar of strength. This causes love to grow more and more everyday.

Life partners arrive at a moment when there is self love and acceptance. You are no longer needing to fulfill an emptiness that cannot be explained. These partners join you with similar stories. They are there for the long haul.

Regardless of how much heartache I’ve experienced when I was in my karmic relationship, I’m certain that he arrived not a minute later than I was ready for him. So I’m grateful for the encounter. He brought things out of me that I never knew existed on the highs and lows. It was challenging and very extreme on the positive and negative side, but the growth that occurred was tremendous. I was constantly being shown myself and I still remember vividly, the moment I knew I had finally mastered the lessons that I was destined to fulfill and was ready for separation. I had reached that next level. As a result, when my life partner showed up, I was prepared, open and accepting of the relationship. There was a magnetic feeling, a knowing that automatically attracted me to him. Which typically happens when you meet a soulmate. Now granted, we have many similarities, simultaneously, we also have many differences that have enhanced our emotional connection. We’re always eager to know more about one another and it’s a constant experience of learning and teaching eachother. Yet our values and beliefs resonate and combine so well. Each conversation is just enjoyable and it’s been the most refreshing relationship I’ve ever known. He’s my best friend and everything about him has been exciting and feels new. He feels like home and as cliche as this sounds, I now know, everything happens for a reason.

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mate’s purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…”
— Elizabeth Gilbert


Source: powerofpositivity.com