Birthday Behavior – 30 on 30💕🎉👑

“I’ve found that luck is quite predictable. If you want more luck, take more chances, be more active, show up more often.”  — Brian Tracy

*screams internally*

Waking up in Costa Rica on this 30th day for my 30th year is a blessing in itself. May every year of my entire 30’s begin in a new destination as long as Allah grants me the will to do so 🙏🏽. May I never take the luxuries I have access to for granted. May I embrace every new experience and cultivate it for the enrichment of my life’s journey. Amen!

For the first time ever, I don’t want to be as vulnerable. Yet, I promise to always remain transparent. I’ve always written from my heart and shared the things I’ve experienced and what I have learned most from my previous year of birth. However, this year, I feel it’s time to move in a different direction. Becoming more private and embracing my life – the bad and the good alone, in hopes that it will block outer interference and push me to new levels and truly grow. I’ve been going through my saturn return since January and with 5 more months left – as my life continues to transform, I just want to be quiet. The battle I am facing with who I am as a person, how I feel, what I want and what I need, is not open for discussion with anyone else other than God and myself. There is still something I am in search of. I don’t have all the answers and to be honest, I don’t know what that something is. I know I carry myself with dignity and grace, but I promise I don’t have it all together. When you see me, understand, I am still trying to figure life out just like the next person. I didn’t even know who I was until a few years ago and now I don’t even feel like that person is me anymore. There are parts of me that have been sleep and I can’t play with time any longer. 🗣I NEED TO WAKE THE HELL UP! I felt fulfilled months ago and now the thought of being complacent is terrifying. Comfort has become scary to me because I never want to settle for the bare minimum. It’s time to move larger in life; make something more of myself; give more of myself. I’ve come so far and have accomplished so much to be where I am today, but I know there are things I need to be honest about and change within myself before I can transcend to this next level. I’ve slipped back into some old behaviors and I refuse to not learn the lesson, fail the tests and repeat the same old cycles.

On the flip side as I have gotten closer to this day, I’ve taken heed on how confident I am within myself. I spend way more time by myself nowadays. More often than I used to. I move at the beat of my own drum every single day and work on my own time. There is not one other person’s company I currently crave more than my own. I am at my most peaceful state when I am alone. Self love has become my main priority. There are so many things about me that I love, but there are just as many things about me that I am discovering that hinders my elevation. This period has been conducive to helping me identify with and shedding those behaviors.

“Calling yourself out on your own bullshit is primary self-care.”

– Ayishat A. Akanbi

To the people that have been patient and understanding with me as I grow through this next phase, I thank you so much. Your grace has been a lesson in itself. I pray that you are more pleased with the improved and healed me that is awaiting to greet you on the other side. Cheers 🥂 to 30: All the preparation is going to finally pay off because God is…!

***BONUS***

30 Life Lessons I’ve Learned In 30 Years

  1. Everyone is growing. You either grow with or outgrow each other.
  2. Meditation will change your life.
  3. Never be afraid to ask for assistance. We can’t do it all.
  4. Learn to accept constructive criticism without feeling attacked.
  5. People will say a lot without any action for as long as you accept it.
  6. Not everyone deserves access to your love.
  7. Your comfort zone is a dangerous place. Never remain complacent.
  8. If you’re not passionate about it, is it really worth the time?
  9. Longevity is key.
  10. Know your worth + add tax, and never compromise it.
  11. Continuously learn. You never know what doors a new skill will open for you.
  12. Look good and smell good, but don’t forget your confidence. It’ll take you far!
  13. Read often and watch how your vocabulary naturally advances.
  14. Experience is life’s best teacher.
  15. You can’t avoid setbacks but no matter the circumstance, you can bounce back.
  16. Learn the lesson to avoid repeating the test.
  17. Resilience/Dedication/Consistency will pay off. Don’t ever give up on your dreams.
  18. Don’t rush life trying to beat a time table. God has the final say.
  19. Be flexible.
  20. Spontaneity in moderation is a thrill worth feeling.
  21. Be honest with yourself and own your shit.
  22. Healthy love is the only option. Don’t let them convince you of anything less than.
  23. You can’t predict the future but you can take the necessary actions to create it.
  24. There is nothing wrong with seeing a therapist.
  25. You can’t change anyone other than yourself.
  26. Life goes on.
  27. People will pick apart your truth no matter what it is. Rumors/Opinions don’t deserve your attention.
  28. Self care is a necessity. You need time to recharge often.
  29. Never place your happiness in the hands of someone else.
  30. Everyone has their own definition of loyalty. Make sure you are knowledgeable of theirs.
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Birthday Behavior 2.7 🎂🎁🎉

 “At some point you just have to let go of what you thought should happen and live in what is happening.

 

Birthday

It wasn’t until age twenty-six, where I learned to stop trying to control my life. I had thought and planned for as far as I could and it still wasn’t enough. Chile, the minute I let go of total control, my life blossomed into every thing I had ever wanted. Can’t nobody ever tell me any different about the realness of my God. My life exemplifies it. A year later, my passion has finally resonated with me, although it is something that has thrilled me since I was a little girl. Even though I’m still not who I’m suppose to be, I’m just so thankful that over the years, He’s moved me to not be who I used to be. Twenty-six was amazing to me & it feels good to say that, despite the obstacles I’ve faced last year, and how uncomfortable certain moments made me, it’s pushed me to be exactly where I need to be in 2015. I can feel the momentum building and I’m excited about my future steadily unfolding. May my twenty-seventh year be full of blessings, opportunities, increase, exposure, travel, new experiences, knowledge, fun, good food, great outfits, love, peace and joy!

 

What I’d Tell My 22 Years Young Self

As my birthday is approaching, there’s a lot to reflect on, from where I’ve been and how far I’ve come. I was a wreck much of my life under twenty-five and although I hid it well, I was ‘saving face’ with the pain and suffering I was enduring. I didn’t share any of it and had no outlet or way to cope, which often times, isn’t healthy. Although, going through much of what I did and breaking down in my alone time every night, has made me unbreakable today, I often wonder how quicker I could have overcome my struggles had I not gone through it by myself.

What I’d tell my twenty-two years young self: “Girl, your emotions are leading you into a pool of chaos. You’re too busy making more mistakes by trying to correct the previous mistakes with a quick fix. Before you can get out of one problem, you’re being smacked with another. You’re practically doing a rodeo dance with satan himself. Your fear is the enemies playground and he can smell it a mile away. Hence, why you haven’t gotten anywhere. You’re too busy trying to get to the destination but the real message is in the journey. There are some things that you want God to do in your life that is your destination, but it is the things that you learn along the way that will be the most beneficial to you. If you receive the destination without the process you won’t be able to hold on to it. And if you get what you shall without you going through what you are going through, you won’t have the fortitude to hold on to what He will release in your life.”

P.s. His strength is made perfect in your weakness. You don’t have the capability of handling it, at all. You need to lean onto a power greater than yourself. Exhale, and release those cares onto Him.

You see, after I built a relationship with God, He brought people and ministries that ministered to my circumstances perfectly. It was then that I knew, I wasn’t in this alone and I didn’t have to be in it alone. Even if those people aren’t in my life today, they were definitely brought into my life for a reason. Once I trusted my skeletons with Him, I got my strength back and I got my life back. Even though troubles will never go away, what I do know is that they don’t last always. Because of my God, it’s so much easier to cope and persevere through life.