Romance vs Manipulation

I’m proud of the strength that women hold nowadays. Yet, it is so disappointing to see that we have to continuously demand that our boundaries be respected rather than be granted from the beginning. Currently, Cardi B is in a rough place in her marriage. Her husband pulled the stunt of interrupting her performance with a grand gesture for her to take him back after he’s been caught cheating numerous times. Now, whether she takes him back or not is none of my business.

The problem I have with men is, why cheat and jeopardize losing someone you claim to love and care about so much in the first place? If you have it in you to go through all these extreme lengths to get someone back, wouldn’t it make more sense to use that energy while you already have this person’s attention to keep it? But men are the “more logical” species right? Right!

My problem with society is that there are people who are actually rooting for her to take him back because “people make mistakes and all men have cheated, so he deserves another chance“. Why is this the norm? Had the situation been reversed, no one would harass that man to forgive the woman and take her back. They’d call her all types of hoes.

I’m so passionate about this topic because this is my life. I left a man 4 years ago. During these years, he has tried everything to the best of his ability to get me back. Most recently, THREE DAYS AGO at my place of employment. Despite me making it very clear that I want him to leave me alone and that me taking him back is never happening. The romance behind stalking and harassing your ex until they take you back might work for some, but it ain’t my type of thing. You didn’t respect me during the relationship to treat me right and you don’t respect my boundaries post relationship after I’ve continuously ignored your efforts and asked you repeatedly to leave me alone and let me be.

Don’t lose my attention and put all this effort into trying to win me back because it’s just going to annoy me more. When I don’t care, I wholeheartedly don’t and that is the worst place you can be with me, because no gesture big enough or thing you say can move me to feel differently or change my mind. Why? More than likely, I’ve already given you plenty of chances to correct your mistakes and make right on your wrongdoing before I even got to the point of no longer caring. Your behavior is habitual and the only reason you care so much now is because you finally see it’s really not a game. The gestures are manipulative behavior and a way to try and soften me to change my mind.

Men think they can put you through all this bullshit and you will stick around and deal with it forever. “Oh she forgave me before, she’ll get over it”. While some may feel compelled to stick it out, I thank God I am one of those women who don’t have to and have matured to realize that I don’t need to. One of my biggest blessings in life is being able to walk away from toxic men easily without ever having to be bothered with them again in life unless I choose to. The best thing ever is being able to leave a relationship easily with absolutely no ties.

The narrative has to change. If the love comes with struggle, then I don’t want it. Of course you go through things in a relationship and the strongest marriages prevail. However, my idea of getting through tough times in a marriage doesn’t include cheating and numerous amounts of bullshit. That’s not something I count as having to work through to make it to those glory days. If you can’t treat me respectfully and good, you don’t deserve anything else from me. Only thing you can do is learn from the situation, correct your behavior and do better with the next woman in your life.

*cues Beyoncé’s Best Thing I Never Had*


The Breakup Game

It should no longer be a secret that women typically break up with a man long before she ACTUALLY breaks up with him. I am no different. We emotionally detach ourselves before we can physically move on. It’s kind of fucked up when you think about it, because the man rarely ever sees it coming, even though, depending on the circumstances, he’d be an idiot to not believe that the day would soon come. Women give many warning signs that the end is drawing near in a relationship in hopes that a man will get his shit together before it’s too late. From constant nagging, to erratic behavior changes, to often times, many mini breakups (also known as needing some space). So why is it that soon as the woman has the courage to leave, this same man, all of a sudden has an awakening of either (1.) deciding to finally change his fuck boy behavior (2.) realizing that this woman was the best thing that ever happened to him and/or (3.) finally feeling guilty and sorry about his actions?

I don’t regret you but sometimes I wish I had walked away at the start and left things at hello.

Women, ya’ll know how the routine goes: *cues violin music* The man that you stuck with, who constantly took advantage of the love you gave, ironically, once you realize you deserve better for yourself, because trust me, there is always better, he now knows he was such a horrible man to you; he’s finally ready to change those behaviors and he can’t live without you. *blank stare* If you’re wise enough, you’ll know that this is a bullshit attempt to get you back, and although it sometimes is genuine, it’s most times, manipulation. I personally believe from experience, that once you walk away, keep walking and don’t turn back. Why? Simple, men are creatures of habit and if he knows that whatever he did and said to get you back that one time worked, it will work again in the future. I wasted so much time playing this game in a relationship. It wasn’t until I fully gained respect for myself to stop settling in that mediocrity situation that my ex finally got the picture. At least I think he did. And hopefully this will teach him to take better care and pay more attention to his next relationship. But I know he will never learn the lesson if I were to go back. I just thank God, I have no desire at all to do so. A second (more like 768,364th, because women are always forgiving) chance shouldn’t be taken lightly. Trust takes thrice as much effort to gain back as it did to lose.