Romance vs Manipulation

I’m proud of the strength that women hold nowadays. Yet, it is so disappointing to see that we have to continuously demand that our boundaries be respected rather than be granted from the beginning. Currently, Cardi B is in a rough place in her marriage. Her husband pulled the stunt of interrupting her performance with a grand gesture for her to take him back after he’s been caught cheating numerous times. Now, whether she takes him back or not is none of my business.

The problem I have with men is, why cheat and jeopardize losing someone you claim to love and care about so much in the first place? If you have it in you to go through all these extreme lengths to get someone back, wouldn’t it make more sense to use that energy while you already have this person’s attention to keep it? But men are the “more logical” species right? Right!

My problem with society is that there are people who are actually rooting for her to take him back because “people make mistakes and all men have cheated, so he deserves another chance“. Why is this the norm? Had the situation been reversed, no one would harass that man to forgive the woman and take her back. They’d call her all types of hoes.

I’m so passionate about this topic because this is my life. I left a man 4 years ago. During these years, he has tried everything to the best of his ability to get me back. Most recently, THREE DAYS AGO at my place of employment. Despite me making it very clear that I want him to leave me alone and that me taking him back is never happening. The romance behind stalking and harassing your ex until they take you back might work for some, but it ain’t my type of thing. You didn’t respect me during the relationship to treat me right and you don’t respect my boundaries post relationship after I’ve continuously ignored your efforts and asked you repeatedly to leave me alone and let me be.

Don’t lose my attention and put all this effort into trying to win me back because it’s just going to annoy me more. When I don’t care, I wholeheartedly don’t and that is the worst place you can be with me, because no gesture big enough or thing you say can move me to feel differently or change my mind. Why? More than likely, I’ve already given you plenty of chances to correct your mistakes and make right on your wrongdoing before I even got to the point of no longer caring. Your behavior is habitual and the only reason you care so much now is because you finally see it’s really not a game. The gestures are manipulative behavior and a way to try and soften me to change my mind.

Men think they can put you through all this bullshit and you will stick around and deal with it forever. “Oh she forgave me before, she’ll get over it”. While some may feel compelled to stick it out, I thank God I am one of those women who don’t have to and have matured to realize that I don’t need to. One of my biggest blessings in life is being able to walk away from toxic men easily without ever having to be bothered with them again in life unless I choose to. The best thing ever is being able to leave a relationship easily with absolutely no ties.

The narrative has to change. If the love comes with struggle, then I don’t want it. Of course you go through things in a relationship and the strongest marriages prevail. However, my idea of getting through tough times in a marriage doesn’t include cheating and numerous amounts of bullshit. That’s not something I count as having to work through to make it to those glory days. If you can’t treat me respectfully and good, you don’t deserve anything else from me. Only thing you can do is learn from the situation, correct your behavior and do better with the next woman in your life.

*cues Beyoncé’s Best Thing I Never Had*


Birthday Behavior – 30 on 30💕🎉👑

“I’ve found that luck is quite predictable. If you want more luck, take more chances, be more active, show up more often.”  — Brian Tracy

*screams internally*

Waking up in Costa Rica on this 30th day for my 30th year is a blessing in itself. May every year of my entire 30’s begin in a new destination as long as Allah grants me the will to do so 🙏🏽. May I never take the luxuries I have access to for granted. May I embrace every new experience and cultivate it for the enrichment of my life’s journey. Amen!

For the first time ever, I don’t want to be as vulnerable. Yet, I promise to always remain transparent. I’ve always written from my heart and shared the things I’ve experienced and what I have learned most from my previous year of birth. However, this year, I feel it’s time to move in a different direction. Becoming more private and embracing my life – the bad and the good alone, in hopes that it will block outer interference and push me to new levels and truly grow. I’ve been going through my saturn return since January and with 5 more months left – as my life continues to transform, I just want to be quiet. The battle I am facing with who I am as a person, how I feel, what I want and what I need, is not open for discussion with anyone else other than God and myself. There is still something I am in search of. I don’t have all the answers and to be honest, I don’t know what that something is. I know I carry myself with dignity and grace, but I promise I don’t have it all together. When you see me, understand, I am still trying to figure life out just like the next person. I didn’t even know who I was until a few years ago and now I don’t even feel like that person is me anymore. There are parts of me that have been sleep and I can’t play with time any longer. 🗣I NEED TO WAKE THE HELL UP! I felt fulfilled months ago and now the thought of being complacent is terrifying. Comfort has become scary to me because I never want to settle for the bare minimum. It’s time to move larger in life; make something more of myself; give more of myself. I’ve come so far and have accomplished so much to be where I am today, but I know there are things I need to be honest about and change within myself before I can transcend to this next level. I’ve slipped back into some old behaviors and I refuse to not learn the lesson, fail the tests and repeat the same old cycles.

On the flip side as I have gotten closer to this day, I’ve taken heed on how confident I am within myself. I spend way more time by myself nowadays. More often than I used to. I move at the beat of my own drum every single day and work on my own time. There is not one other person’s company I currently crave more than my own. I am at my most peaceful state when I am alone. Self love has become my main priority. There are so many things about me that I love, but there are just as many things about me that I am discovering that hinders my elevation. This period has been conducive to helping me identify with and shedding those behaviors.

“Calling yourself out on your own bullshit is primary self-care.”

– Ayishat A. Akanbi

To the people that have been patient and understanding with me as I grow through this next phase, I thank you so much. Your grace has been a lesson in itself. I pray that you are more pleased with the improved and healed me that is awaiting to greet you on the other side. Cheers 🥂 to 30: All the preparation is going to finally pay off because God is…!


30 Life Lessons I’ve Learned In 30 Years

  1. Everyone is growing. You either grow with or outgrow each other.
  2. Meditation will change your life.
  3. Never be afraid to ask for assistance. We can’t do it all.
  4. Learn to accept constructive criticism without feeling attacked.
  5. People will say a lot without any action for as long as you accept it.
  6. Not everyone deserves access to your love.
  7. Your comfort zone is a dangerous place. Never remain complacent.
  8. If you’re not passionate about it, is it really worth the time?
  9. Longevity is key.
  10. Know your worth + add tax, and never compromise it.
  11. Continuously learn. You never know what doors a new skill will open for you.
  12. Look good and smell good, but don’t forget your confidence. It’ll take you far!
  13. Read often and watch how your vocabulary naturally advances.
  14. Experience is life’s best teacher.
  15. You can’t avoid setbacks but no matter the circumstance, you can bounce back.
  16. Learn the lesson to avoid repeating the test.
  17. Resilience/Dedication/Consistency will pay off. Don’t ever give up on your dreams.
  18. Don’t rush life trying to beat a time table. God has the final say.
  19. Be flexible.
  20. Spontaneity in moderation is a thrill worth feeling.
  21. Be honest with yourself and own your shit.
  22. Healthy love is the only option. Don’t let them convince you of anything less than.
  23. You can’t predict the future but you can take the necessary actions to create it.
  24. There is nothing wrong with seeing a therapist.
  25. You can’t change anyone other than yourself.
  26. Life goes on.
  27. People will pick apart your truth no matter what it is. Rumors/Opinions don’t deserve your attention.
  28. Self care is a necessity. You need time to recharge often.
  29. Never place your happiness in the hands of someone else.
  30. Everyone has their own definition of loyalty. Make sure you are knowledgeable of theirs.

The Breakup Game

It should no longer be a secret that women typically break up with a man long before she ACTUALLY breaks up with him. I am no different. We emotionally detach ourselves before we can physically move on. It’s kind of fucked up when you think about it, because the man rarely ever sees it coming, even though, depending on the circumstances, he’d be an idiot to not believe that the day would soon come. Women give many warning signs that the end is drawing near in a relationship in hopes that a man will get his shit together before it’s too late. From constant nagging, to erratic behavior changes, to often times, many mini breakups (also known as needing some space). So why is it that soon as the woman has the courage to leave, this same man, all of a sudden has an awakening of either (1.) deciding to finally change his fuck boy behavior (2.) realizing that this woman was the best thing that ever happened to him and/or (3.) finally feeling guilty and sorry about his actions?

I don’t regret you but sometimes I wish I had walked away at the start and left things at hello.

Women, ya’ll know how the routine goes: *cues violin music* The man that you stuck with, who constantly took advantage of the love you gave, ironically, once you realize you deserve better for yourself, because trust me, there is always better, he now knows he was such a horrible man to you; he’s finally ready to change those behaviors and he can’t live without you. *blank stare* If you’re wise enough, you’ll know that this is a bullshit attempt to get you back, and although it sometimes is genuine, it’s most times, manipulation. I personally believe from experience, that once you walk away, keep walking and don’t turn back. Why? Simple, men are creatures of habit and if he knows that whatever he did and said to get you back that one time worked, it will work again in the future. I wasted so much time playing this game in a relationship. It wasn’t until I fully gained respect for myself to stop settling in that mediocrity situation that my ex finally got the picture. At least I think he did. And hopefully this will teach him to take better care and pay more attention to his next relationship. But I know he will never learn the lesson if I were to go back. I just thank God, I have no desire at all to do so. A second (more like 768,364th, because women are always forgiving) chance shouldn’t be taken lightly. Trust takes thrice as much effort to gain back as it did to lose.


Dear Woman

An excerpt from the book titled Dear Woman by Michael Reid

I love this because I can totally relate. Stay ready so you never have to get ready. & the first step is by not wasting your time with randoms and space-fillers because you’ll either be too distracted or blocking the right person intended for you to come forward. I promise, when he does show up, it really will feel exactly as stated: He’ll love your mind first … He’ll prove to you that trust isn’t just a word; that love isn’t just a feeling.

It’ll be worth the wait!

What I’d Tell My 22 Years Young Self

As my birthday is approaching, there’s a lot to reflect on, from where I’ve been and how far I’ve come. I was a wreck much of my life under twenty-five and although I hid it well, I was ‘saving face’ with the pain and suffering I was enduring. I didn’t share any of it and had no outlet or way to cope, which often times, isn’t healthy. Although, going through much of what I did and breaking down in my alone time every night, has made me unbreakable today, I often wonder how quicker I could have overcome my struggles had I not gone through it by myself.

What I’d tell my twenty-two years young self: “Girl, your emotions are leading you into a pool of chaos. You’re too busy making more mistakes by trying to correct the previous mistakes with a quick fix. Before you can get out of one problem, you’re being smacked with another. You’re practically doing a rodeo dance with satan himself. Your fear is the enemies playground and he can smell it a mile away. Hence, why you haven’t gotten anywhere. You’re too busy trying to get to the destination but the real message is in the journey. There are some things that you want God to do in your life that is your destination, but it is the things that you learn along the way that will be the most beneficial to you. If you receive the destination without the process you won’t be able to hold on to it. And if you get what you shall without you going through what you are going through, you won’t have the fortitude to hold on to what He will release in your life.”

P.s. His strength is made perfect in your weakness. You don’t have the capability of handling it, at all. You need to lean onto a power greater than yourself. Exhale, and release those cares onto Him.

You see, after I built a relationship with God, He brought people and ministries that ministered to my circumstances perfectly. It was then that I knew, I wasn’t in this alone and I didn’t have to be in it alone. Even if those people aren’t in my life today, they were definitely brought into my life for a reason. Once I trusted my skeletons with Him, I got my strength back and I got my life back. Even though troubles will never go away, what I do know is that they don’t last always. Because of my God, it’s so much easier to cope and persevere through life.