I am my own muse. I am the subject I know best. The subject I want to better.
— Frida Kahlo
This birthday is extremely bitter sweet. It’s the very last of my twenties and all I can think about is “where in the hell did the time go?” I honestly don’t feel my age and definitely don’t look it. I’m in such a great place in life and one of the keys as to why I feel so great about where I am currently, isn’t because I have it all together. I abso-fcking-lutely 🗣 DO NOT! It is because I’ve stopped trying to beat a timeline on what I should have accomplished at a certain point in my life and just letting shit be what it is. I am progressively working towards my passions and desires while accepting and loving the place that I am in while on the journey. My life is nowhere near what I thought it would be when I was ten years younger. Hell, even five years younger. But where I am now, I wouldn’t have it no other way. I actually think it’s semi better than what I had wanted for myself because a lot of what I thought I wanted, I actually don’t want anymore. I’ve changed my mind on a lot. And while on this journey through my twenties, I’ve learned so much about myself.
If I could start all over, there are certainly so many things and people in my life that I would have changed. I’ve spent way too much time being hard on myself, getting in my own way and keeping the wrong people near me. I’m no longer afraid of change, losing people or the unknown of my next position in life. In fact, I woke up today with an urgency to start all over. I want to throw everything away and start completely over from scratch. My definition of Spring cleaning. What I’ve learned is that I have this power to manifest whatever it is that I want, so if I find myself in a particular situation I have the power to change it around. Being aware not only of energy but of myself has become a superpower. I’ve just been living life on a real carefree vibe. No matter what I am doing, I enjoy doing it. I wake up every day happy, regardless of what obstacles I go through and when I feel my spirit shifting to a lower vibration, I know how to correct it and get it back in alignment. I’ve spent way too much time to myself in this last year. It’s almost frightening at how much I enjoy being alone. Yet, in the process of enjoying my own company way more than others, I can say that I know me better than I ever thought I could. I am everything that I never knew I was. It’s amazing! Life is so peaceful and joyous right now. I’ve become so fearless this last year of my life. So many things have shaken up and I am so ballsy because of it, not afraid of anything. And if it does frighten me, that gives me the biggest courage to do it anyway because I know that I will never grow as long as I am complacent. I know that right on the other side of my fear is opportunity and if it goes bad, then guess what, I will have walked away learning a tremendous lesson. Which I can add to my book of wisdom.
What I wish for in my twenty-ninth year is to live more in the moment. Embrace what is happening in the present fully; To stop being so nonchalant and actually open my heart to others; Lastly, value the people around me more by not always being so distant (& reaching out to them first smh).