Unpopular Opinion on Marriage

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I’ve said this time and time again, I am not the one who will marry for love. I want to be a wife, can’t wait to be one actually,  however, marriage is a business arrangement. I most definitely would be married right now if I did so based on love. However, when I reflect on all 3 guys that I could’ve been a wife to at this time in my life, I’m certain that I would also either be extremely miserable, divorced or going through one. Why? Because none had all of the key qualifiers that I know would make me actually want to be submissive to maintain that marriage. Now granted, love is great, and I certainly plan to love my future husband, but that love will not be a sustainable reason for me conjoining the rest of my life with his and building a family. Love just shouldn’t be the reasoning to make major life decisions because it’s fickle. Feelings change all of the time. It’s just not a secure foundation for me. I need to be able to trust your ability to lead me and our future family.

I just ended a relationship a few months ago. He came to me and said “Let’s just get married, tomorrow.” And as much as the idea of being a wife excited me, a red flag went up. I had such an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach. So, I said to him, “Let’s see how smooth things go for awhile (we were definitely in a rocky place) and if we are still doing good in August, we can do it in September.” But what I really was doing is buying time. I reflected to myself that night, trying to make sense of that uneasy feeling and what it all meant. Truth is, what I needed in a husband in order for me to trust and be submissive, he wasn’t it. From that moment on, I knew in my heart, after a nine year, off and on relationship, that if I couldn’t marry him now, I never would. I can’t settle so why am I continuing to waste both of our time? There were definitely other factors correlated to why I wouldn’t marry him, but this was the most important reason why I needed to end that relationship. You see, I knew we wouldn’t “do good” within those few months, and when the opportunity presented itself, I left, with no remorse and have never looked back. I walked away knowing exactly what it is that I want and need from a man to prevent me from wasting so much of my time and the discernment to know when to walk away from a situation that isn’t conducive to my life.

What are the attributes that I consider, marriage worthy? Being compatible, sharing the same life goals and ideologies, having financial stability, attentiveness, being emotionally mature, ambitious, enterprising and supportive are what I consider the key qualities for a potential husband. That is what will make me want to submit forever to one man.  How can I build an empire with a man when we’re on two different pages? How can we form a secure life and leave wealth behind for our succeeding generations when we’re too busy fighting each other; arguing over things that we don’t see eye-to-eye on regularly because we’re incompatible and have different perspectives on what we want in our personal and family life? That’s a dead end road, leading to destruction. You don’t have to argue and fight with your husband all of the time. Yes, there will be disagreements every now and then, but consistently fighting? It’s just not healthy. I sincerely believe that a relationship does not have to hurt or be difficult. Marriage isn’t something to play around with and I’d rather have substance than settle just for a title. I didn’t care much about the differences I had with my previous boyfriends, but since I’ve matured and need to consider the bigger picture (marriage), compatibility matters the most. Being able to exist and perform together in combination without constant problems or conflict with a man that I plan to be with for the rest of my life is the only importance. Not LOVE!

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